Modeling Mayhem {Nick + Alex} {M}

[ALEX CIEN]

It felt like an age since Alex had been back in the studio - he was turning into an 'on set' model, disappearing into forests and huge warehouses, not in a shiny white room with bright lights plane backgrounds. This was more the world of photoshopped backgrounds and artificial skin. Not something he was very used to. He sat in the corner of the room, legs crossed at the knee. Watching different men pass by, they were looking for the perfect one to model with Alex on the front cover of the new 'GT'. He frowned as another man went past, there hadn't been anything wrong with that one...

The director saw Alex's gaze and smiled at him, "He's not bold enough for you babe," came the answer as Alex turned back, smirking slightly. Eventually they had whittled it down to the last five. The first one entered the room and smiled, he was cute, tall, dark, the usual. Alex got to his feet, he had been dressed in and oversized 'boyfriend' shirt and white briefs. The shirt just managed to cover his ass as he walked. His partner was wearing dark blue jeans, nothing else. It was Abercrombie...or something, not that Alex paid any attention to the labels.

He smiled slightly as he was maneuvered into a suitable position. He felt a warm hand on his thigh, it slowly moved further up his leg until the shirt had been pushed out of the way enough for the briefs to show. "Perfect! Perfect!" waved the director as the man's chest was pushed against Alex's back. He could feel the second hand on his other thigh, just resting there as his own arm snaked around the other man's neck. He tilted his head up slightly and smirked when their lips almost met. This was the best part about the job - according to him. He could hear the clicks of the camera and then they changed position.

"Alright alright, I think we've got enough. NEXT!" shouted the director as another man walked through the door, wearing something slightly different, but advertising the same thing. Again and again they took photos, Alex bent over things in rather compromising positions and other times looking more 'sweet and innocent'. Then it came to man number five. Alex hadn't seen him yet but he'd heard the mention of tattoos and he had smiled. Tattoos, now that brought back memories...

"NEXT! Come one! I haven't got all night!"

[Nick Foxx]

It felt good to be back in the business again. Not the TV business, not the perfume adverts or music videos; the real modelling was done here, in a huge studio, and everything was white - the background, the lights, the shiny teeth... It was all white and perfect and touched up on the computer. It was almost as if Nick had been airbrushed in real life - as if finally becoming head of the Foxx family and owner of the vast fortune had fixed his few, minute imperfections. This was the place to be. The air buzzed with superficiality. Boy after boy walked past him, admiring his beautiful inked chest, complimenting him on his other work, appreciating his tight ass in the black jeans. F*ck you, Abercrombie - this is Nick Foxx, and Nick Foxx wears drainpipes.

"NEXT! Come on! I haven't got all night!"

Nick knew he was the last boy to go on set. The situation - as he could see it - was this: there was one boy already picked, already perfect, and lots of others had to try out to see who looked best beside him. It was a common enough occurrence. The mystery model had been described as 'innocently seductive' and 'cutesy' on the advert, so Nick figured that his sly expressions and overt sexuality would be a pretty perfect match - the job was dans le sac, so to speak. In fact, the moment he walked in front of the backdrop this prediction was confirmed:

"Wow! Hold it right there! You - you're perfect next to him. Marie, fire the others! We don't need them any more - we've got our cover boys right here!"

Nick smirked.

"That smile, that's awesome! Great, ok, behind him, yes, oh, fantastic - you know what I'm talking about!"

The director didn't seem to be able to speak without shouting. Nick swaggered over to the other model and stood behind him, immediately slipping his arm around his neck in a sort of headlock, as the other boy tilted his face upwards and offered his lips to Nick's frozen face. Lust and indifference, violence rewarded by love. There was something ironic, or correct, or metaphorical in that - Nick couldn't work out which. He just knew that for the first time in quite a while, he was happy. He kept moving between poses, the director becoming increasingly ecstatic with each one. Next he had a hold of the other boy's wrists, then they were pulling out each other's hair. He sat down, a moody, bored expression on his face while the other boy sat between his open legs, looking up at him expectantly.

"Hey," he murmured between two shots, talking to the boy he hadn't even looked at yet, save for the back of his closely cropped hair. "We should go get a drink after this - photoshoots...excite me..."

[ALEX CIEN]

Alex didn't even have a chance to protest before Nick was behind him, grabbing him - it was too familiar. He doubted Nick had even recognised him. He had grown up quite a lot since their last meeting. His hair had been cut short, he had replaced any fat he had on his body with more toned muscles. The brown in his eyes had turned almost black in the lights and the outfit he was in wasn't something he was exactly used to. He blushed when he sat between Nick's legs which made the Director go wild, and flash the cameras even more. Their partnership was a match made in heaven to the magazine. Something innocent and something sexy. It was perfect.

Alex bit his lip as he felt Nick's fingers on his body again. He hated to admit it, but he had missed the other boy more than anything. The cuddling on the sofa, the light conversations, the fun they'd had together with Joe...the amazing sex. It has been incredible. Now the boy was back after what seemed like an age, Alex wasn't sure how he felt about that. Relieved? Angry? Upset? Confused...Maybe all of them.

"Right, Cien, turn your head to the right, look down. Foxx, can you hang onto his arm? Yes...perfect, excellent."

Alex didn't even want to look at Nick after his name had been called. He had heard the other boy's proposal in his ear and had chosen to ignore it. He had wanted to say yes, wanted to say it before his name had been said. But now he was waiting to be dropped on the floor as Nick made a quick exit out of the door. Well, now that offer was soon to be retracted. Alex sighed almost inaudibly, it would have been nice. Just them, together again. He hadn't removed his tattoo - much to the disappointment of Gary - it was a part of him, part of who he was. Whether Nick was a part of it or not.

[Nick Foxx]

Cien.

The name explained everything; why he suddenly felt so happy, and so at home. That one four letter word aroused him, satisfied him and contented him more than any other word could. But it also scared him, made him feel angry. It made him want to smash everything up, just like he had done the night he'd left. He wanted to break everything and most of all, break himself.

He ran around the flat, staggering with the half empty bottle of vodka in his hand, swigging from its broken neck in desperate, violent bursts. His lips were bleeding, as were his gums. The alcohol was both stinging and numbing them. "F*ck!" he screamed at the top of his voice. "F*ck all of this!" He swung his arm out along the length of the kitchen unit, pushing every last bottle and plate to the floor, rejoicing in the clattering smash of breaking glass and crockery. "Broken!" he shouted, like an excited child. "All broken!" Then he began to hyperventilate, and had to take another swig of vodka to calm his breathing. He found a piece of paper and a pen somewhere among all the mess, and began to scribble a near-illegible letter:

Dear Alex,

F*ck off! Can't you just f*ck off? Why do you make me so f*cking hurt all the time. I hate you! I never did anything, but now you've left me forever and ever and I HATE YOU!

It's my turn to f*ck off. I'm leaving. Don't know when or if coming back. I ever want don't see again you you you you you.

Love Nick x

And then he went and fell asleep in the car, and the next morning he drove to New York without any problems.

It was only now that he was even beginning to see through the drunken haze that had conveniently fogged that night out of his memory. Had he really written that? No wonder Alex had made no attempt to contact him. He glanced down - he couldn't help it - at Alex's right hand. No ring. Oh f*ck, what had he done?

"Ok, that's all guys! Thanks! I'm sure we'll see you again soon!"

"We should still go out and have a drink. Or you could...come round, or something..." he suggested, as they walked out of the studio together, their hands bumping awkwardly together by their sides.

[ALEX CIEN]

Alex was silent as he pulled on his jeans, changed his shirt for a proper one and pulled some canvas shoes on his feet. He walked beside Nick as they descended the stairs out onto the street. He wanted to speak, to apologize for the things he had done to make Nick leave him. But no words came to him. He looked at Nick and frowned slightly when he asked about the drink again. "Why would you want to have a drink with...me. I thought you hated me. Isn't that why you left?" Alex stopped himself before he got carried away, he brought one hand over his eyes and sighed. This couldn't be happening, just as he was getting settled again. Just as Joe had got used to having a new man around. Now Nick had to return.

He bit down on his lip and looked around, as if hoping for some inspiration to fuel an excuse. But there was nothing. "Yeah...okay. One drink." he said, after an awkward silence. He would leave the place up to Nick. It would be nice to see the flat again - hopefully, in Alex's absence, it wouldn't look like a bomb had hit it. Alex had, of course, cleared up the mess Nick had left after storming out. Made the bad after washing the sheets. Changed the towels in the bathroom and even got around the fixing the light in the kitchen. The apartment would have looked as good as new when Nick had returned. But somehow Alex doubted it would have remained like that. Alex could imagine how it would look - how Nick would have left it. Bed unmade, towels on the floor and probably two missing lights. It made him smile slightly, the little details. It was comforting. Homely. It was something he had been missing. As they walked, Alex remained in silence. Just remembering, not paying much attention to his ex-finace.

[Nick Foxx]

Nick barely heard that Alex accepted his offer of a drink, but he seemed to take it as a fact, anyway. His feet began to lead the way back to the flat without his brain having much control. It was too wrapped up in the contradictions crowding inside his head, like a gaggle of attractive women all clamoring for his attention. Hate Alex? Of course not. Be angry - furious - at him, yes. Hate him? No. No. Not at all. No matter how he tried to convince himself he hadn't returned for Alex - he hadn't, honestly, he hadn't - there was something in the boy's appearance, so changed since he last saw him, and yet still so beautiful, that made him feel...happy? Or sad beyond belief? Or both, simultaneously?

"I don't...hate you," he said hesitantly after a long silence. "I couldn't hate you - please believe that. You...frighten me. You frighten me, Alex. I...find it very difficult to say. The pain of leaving you, the pain of even being with you, was twenty thousand times greater than the pain of this -" here he pulled down the neck of his low-cut t-shirt to show the smooth, white scar tissue where the tattooed heart had been "- and... I don't hate you. I was more a fool than ever when I wrote that. I have never been that drunk and distraught before. I'm...sorry." The words seemed to have come to an end, but Nick didn't feel he'd made even a quarter of what he'd wanted to say clear. He stopped walking, falling a pace or two behind Alex. Then he reached out, catching Alex's wrist with his right hand, and pulling the boy to him with a gentle flick, kissing him and bending him backwards in a bizarre parody of a traditional romance. It was such a relief; he felt tension which he hadn't realised existed released from his limbs, the soft signals of an oncoming erection which he hadn't felt in over a month, at least. It was so perfect, kissing in the darkness, just kissing, with no pressing desire for anything else. So...pure?

[ALEX CIEN]

Alex closed his eyes as they kissed. He could feel the tears in his eyes, escaping and running down his foundation-covered cheeks. He didn't want to pull away, but after a moment they both had to catch their breaths. He stood in silence, brushing the tears from his eyes as quickly as he could, leaving streaks down his face. But he didn't care. "You can't do this to me..." he croaked, his voice hardly above a whisper, "you can't just leave, and then come back and...and do this! It's not fair."

He remembered the remains of the heart tattoo and a fresh wave of tears followed. He didn't dare show Nick his tattoo - still intact, untouched. He stared intently at the floor, holding back the rest of his tears and wiping the others from his face. "What did I do wrong?" he whispered, not daring to look up into Nick's eyes. Not daring to show the other boy he was so weak. He had almost managed it. A real life, with a sensible, well-mannered, ordinary boyfriend, Joe was happy, and so was Alex. He was happy, wasn't he? He finally looked up at Nick and bit down on his bottom lip, his eyes searching for something, but he didn't even know what that something was. "I...I'm not sure if I can do this..."

[Nick Foxx]

Something seemed to change within him. 'It's now or never, Nicholas Benedict Foxx, and if you don't act like a man now, you never will.' There was some odd contradiction in using the argument 'act like a man' to persuade himself to prove his love to his ex-boyfriend, but there was little time to ponder that now. He slid two slender fingers under Alex's chin, tilting his face upwards to stare into his eyes. "Alex, please. I know. You don't have to tell me how wrongly I've treated you - and Joe - I know I have, and God knows I've punished myself for it more thoroughly and vigorously than you imagine. I shouldn't expect you to take me back - hell, I'm stunned you're even standing here now. I'm stunned you didn't walk out of that room as soon as you realised it was me you were modelling with. If I were you, I would have punched me in the mouth the second I'd mentioned going for a drink. The way I've behaved... I don't deserve you, Alex. It's shocking, right, hearing Nick Foxx saying he's not good enough for something? But you know better than anyone that I'm not really all that great at all. You see the worst in me - it's no excuse, but it's just because you're the only one I trust enough to see that side of me." He stopped for a second, took a deep breath, and ran his hand through his carefully styled black hair. "Look, what I'm trying to say is... You never did anything wrong. Ever. I was just so frightened by my feelings for you. You know how it is, you go through life not caring about anyone or anything except yourself and then, bam, there's this beautiful, quiet little doll of a boy living in my apartment. And I don't know how he got there, and sometimes he's so damn perfect I want to smash his brains out. But I don't want him to go. Do you know how terrifying it is to go from being the worst kind of self-centered to being willing to literally - I mean it - give up your life for someone you feel like you barely know? I'm not making excuses, Alex, please don't think I'm trying to get out of being punished for all the bad things I've done." He turned back to Alex - he had been pacing throughout that whole confused monologue - and instantly his face lit up. "I...love you," he whispered, taking Alex's hand. "I love you, and I never stopped. Honestly, I never did. The amount of lies I've told you... But please, believe me this time... I love you."

[ALEX CIEN]

Alex couldn't help but smile, "Smash my brains out? How romantic," he chuckled, as Nick took ahold of his hand. Giving it a light squeeze he let go, but only so he could wrap his arms around the other boys body. "I don't want to punish you, Nick. I wanted us to work since I first asked. I don't care about the gifts, or the money or even the fact you smash up everything you can lay your hands on when you get angry, and I have to go around and tidy up after you. I don't care. I lo- " and then he stopped. He couldn't say it, Nick wasn't the only man in his life. He had Gary too - stable, sensible, Gary. Yes, he might be a teacher, Alex's teacher and Joe's future teacher. But he didn't have rock star moments, he didn't get cabin fever and storm out in a rage. He took Joe for days out without parading himself in front of everyone who passed. Alex took in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts together.

"We need time. I care about you, but we went about this all wrong. It was too fast. We got engage, adopted Joe and planned a family holiday all in a month. We need to slow down. Take it one step at a time. Would you mind just being friends?" he would have said 'for now' but he knew Nick would hear it anyway, even if it was unsaid. Nick knew, Alex didn't know how, but Nick knew they wouldn't be able to stay apart - and Alex had no problem agreeing with that. He just need to clear up his own mess, but could he break up with Gary? Over a past boyfriend? Or was that selfish, unreasonable. Alex immediately shut off all thoughts, remembering Nick had taken Joe's power. Shit.